It sounds quite depressed. What had happened? It seems you are very depressed. Take a deep breath...then don't judge anything, anyone including yourself. Relax. When you are sad and feel low, moody, it's the time that you should treat yourself nice. Pick up yourself later. You will be fine. You will rise up again. Be courageous! :-)
When a friend of mine talked this way, I asked him if he worked too hard recently. An ambitious guy looks excellent but his greedy habits could trap him.
You are too negative to notice the pleasure of being in this world.. I won't change anything about my life because I am fully enjoying every second of my life. Be possitive.